a forward push

Feels kinda like coming up for air,
sitting in the classroom...being spoken at.

Feels kinda like i'm moving forward again,
towards something.
Instead of spinning my web of mom-dom,
day after mindless day.

I've found my own hand to lead me again.
Feels good to be on my team,
to be my own cheering section.

I might not create the structure i want,
or the organization i crave...
but i'm in a space that hopes it
and that feels good and positive enough
for now.

The First Spill

There was disconnect in the space between us.

It was all my space.

I'd left no room for you.

The space is exhausted.

I kept coming back, pushing, wanting.

But mostly pushing.

And, not trying.

I clutched my mess to my chest,

whilst I took cover behind my first born.

He is my lifesaver,

but doubles as a scapegoat.

I can see how people lose people.

How love can be battered.

How shame destroys.

I'm kind of sick over it.

Over me.

And i'm pretty sure you are over it,

over me.