Definition

Definition

I'm looking for that line.
So that perhaps I can see,
which side I fall on.
But as I get closer
I see
That the line is actually grey.
And it isn't a line at all,
but space.
And time.
And I'm in it.
It's where I exist.

But there aren't definitions.
Or labels here.
Though I long for them.
It's what we are taught.
To decide something.
To BE something.
And say what it is.
Definitely.

But I'm not sure I can.
I'm just THIS.
You can't touch it or see it.
Or feel it.
It's just ME.

Riding

Still looking.  I'm out there.
I'm wandering, I'm blind.
I'm flailing arms wildly
in front of me, blank mind.

Where is it?  Is it there?
In the corner?
In the dark?

I'm pressing the questions.
Neither fire, nor spark.

Behind me, the guilt
brings tears, I swallow.

Take my hand
Lead me this way, or that way,
I'll follow.

But no one can say,
No one can tell.
Up to me.
I decide!

Close my eyes
Deep breath
Be present
Trust the ride.

Where I'm not allowed to BE

I don't allow it.
I won't.
This space that I'm in.
I'm here.
But I've covered my eyes.
And plugged my ears.
My hands, they adorn gloves.
And my ears, plugged.
I cannot BE in this space.
I've been told it isn't okay.
And I can't turn back now.
For what I've created is something beautiful.
Something more beautiful.
Than it would've been.
Or people could've seen.

It builds and builds and BUILDS.
Until I'm crazy and suffocating.
And then I write.
And I can breathe again.
Mostly.
Cause I'll never fully say.
I'll never fully say it.